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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-10-2005, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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Airplane Joke

After every flight, Quantas Airline pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.


Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the
solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Kind of makes you feel really safe on planes huh?
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-11-2005, 02:20 PM
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That was a great post! Had me laughing the whole time.

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-12-2005, 07:17 AM
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Yep, pretty good!
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-12-2005, 11:29 AM
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That was good.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-13-2005, 06:47 AM
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I figured there's some people you shouldn't call from a plane. I figured that one when I called my buddy and said "Hi Jack!".

Gimli
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-18-2005, 06:14 PM
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"Hi Jack You da bomb man"
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